Inspiration

From: 
Story type: Angel
Location: UK
Source: Form Submission

In my early teens I had suffered loss of a loved one and separation of parents. I started to take it out on myself by despising myself and suffered from agoraphobia, etc. - and although not medically diagnosed, as those closest to me were too bothered with their own problems to see what I was going through, I felt that life was so bad that I could will myself to die (like, at the time, I imagined/truly felt aborigines could do, when they felt their life was coming to an end). One particular terrible evening when I was wishing for an end to my life but could not actually physically do anything to end it as I could only think of the people I would leave behind - I spoke out loud and prayed out loud that if there was anything there - to please help me. All of a sudden - a warmth enveloped me, starting from my toes and travelling around my whole body. I did not see anything but sensed everything. A warmth and love enveloped me that I have not sensed since and nothing on this earth can now convince me there is no god. After a point, where I was trying self help - reading the bible, somehow coming across helpful articles in magazines I had never heard of before and trying to be positive by keeping a diary with my thoughts and feelings and possible resolutions. I cried so much after this experience and suddenly loved ones started to notice what I was going through. Although it was not an immediate solution to all my problems, it helped. Many years later I still have panic attacks - but it's all part of life. We all have our ups and downs and if life was a bag of doughnuts - who would make the rings? Look positive with life