I Channeled the Devil

From: Lana Thels (flying_monkey13@verizon.net)
Story type: Channelling
Location: Denmark
Source: Form Submission

What follows is an account of the impending destruction of the planet earth. Please pay very close attention, as it concerns you. I'm Lana Thels, an exchange student from London living in Denmark for the year. My story begins on Midsummer's Eve, 2002. I was visiting friends in Denmark at the time and we had all gone together to attend the annual bonfire/witch burning at Brandby Strand, to celebrate Sankt Hans Aften. The Danes used to believe that the bonfires and burning of evil would send all evil spirits to some place in Germany called Bloksbjerg. That is not at all relevant, but it's funny. It was 12:20 AM and the sun was setting, casting a reddish glow over the surrounding beach. My friend Aster and I were engaged in an engaging game of roundball. The sand was hot, the air was humid, the beer was cold, (there was lots of beer =) ), and the fire made shadows that looked eerily like dancing demons flit across the sand. It was a smashing party. As I reached for my third- or maybe it was my fifth bottle of beer; I can't really remember that bit- a strange sensation came over me. It felt unpleasantly like I had just had my brain smashed out with a lemon wrapped around a large gold brick. I then heard myself saying the following:

Mortabunt. Nemo non mortabunt in flamma, ad venetus septimi dei, septimi mensis, septimi anni, diabolusque venebit ut capeat fructum terrae. Tum terra consumabitur in flamma sulfureque, atque omnis praeter peccatores periet in piete peculiaris. (They will die. All will perish in flame, come the seventh day of the seventh month of the seventh year. And the devil will come and reap the rewards of the planet. The earth will then be consumed in fire and brimstone, and all but the sinners will perish in their own righteousness.)

Aster called the Danish emergency number, 112, and I was whisked like an egg to the emergency room. It appeared I had thrown a fit on the beach. For one week I lay in a hospital bed alone mumbling incoherently about fire and brimstone consuming the earth and attempted suicide every Thursday at lunch time by strangling myself with the bedsheets. When my shrink asked me about the strange behavior I answered with an attempt at homicide. I've been put away since then. The world thinks I'm mad. I know I am not. I know I am telling the truth. The devil is there. And he plans to destroy our planet on July 7th, 2007. Nemo praeter pecccatores superabunt.