From: Story type: Angel Location: NZ Source: Form Submission Date submitted: Sun Dec 6 20:45:05 2009
I had a feeling I was going to have a little boy, he was to be the third child for our family. I know youre not supposed to start planning until the first trimester is over, but I had started to imagine how a little bundle would complete our family. Id thought about those first early newborn snuggles, Id imagined the smell of him, the feel of his hair, the sound of his cry. I was almost ten weeks pregnant but the pregnancy had not gone well. Id had several scans and lots of blood tests. The scans were showing problems but the bloods were giving positive results. How I hoped it would be alright.
Now it was four oclock in the morning on September 23, 2009. I was lying awake in my hospital bed alone, unable to sleep due to the noise of the ward. 13 hours earlier Id had an operation. My baby had died three weeks before but had not miscarried. A missed miscarriage. I was devastated.
A few years before I had been through a miscarriage but the pregnancy had ended on its own naturally. At that time I thought to myself, It will be alright, Grandpa will look after the baby in heaven.
I needed to think of the baby as being looked after. It couldnt just stop existing!
This time I was trying to think of someone who might be in heaven who could do the job. No not Grandpa this time. No not Nana either. My friend Bec who had died the year before perhaps? No not her, she wanted her own babies.
Then without any warning, in the left hand corner of the room a figure appeared before me. I couldnt look directly at her because the light emitting was so bright. It wasnt like looking at a photograph, more like seeing the aurora of somebody. The shape of her was human with head, shoulder, torso, long drapery, and no wings .
She was an amazing ray of cyan coloured light and in the centre where her heart would be was the brightest white light beaming. I couldnt see any facial features but she spoke to me with my own voice.
While this was going on I kept blinking trying to see if it was a trick of my eyes. Was I actually awake? What happened if I looked away and then back again? Yes she was still there.
At first I thought the white light was a baby. Then a feeling came over me that this angel was the baby. Id thought I was having a boy but here was this female presence standing there.
I cant remember the exact words she spoke to me but the message was that the baby was protected, safe and loved.
At that moment of realisation a complete feeling of total peace came over me. I cant say I am a deeply religious person. But that feeling was indescribable. Then the vision disappeared.
I lay there for a while trying to fathom what I had just been witness to. The deep feeling of peace led me into much needed sleep.
When I woke a few hours later the feeling of total peace had gone and I started my grief process again, but I felt OK with it. I felt as though someone was looking after my baby in heaven, and that was all I wanted. I hadnt prayed out loud but I got what I was asking for.
Now three months on we are trying for a baby again. I wonder if you get back the baby you lost or if they stay in heaven to be angels??