A Life of Doubt

From: anonymous ()
Story type: Past Life Experience
Location: Home
Source: Form Submission
Date submitted: Mon Feb  8 01:46:19 2010

For a few year now I've been discovering new things about what I call "a past life experience." It started when I was young, I never thought I was who I am.

About a year ago I started recollecting more about this past life. I was guided by a spirit named Max, and my 'past life' husband, Jameson. Through their guidance I truly believe that my name was Eveira, and I passed on at the age of 21. Jameson died at 23. In my past life I had a mother, Mevian, and a father, Benjere. My sisters were Savarah, Erelia, and Emina. My brothers were Andrew and Dovia. I have no clear idea as to how I passed away. I've had contemplations of my husband murdering me which would explain the constant doubt and anxiety which grows when I'm 'with' him. In my current life I have a great deal of anxiety when it comes to men in general, and to violence.

One scene which comes up in my mind often is one of me sitting in the grass at a table with Erelia and Emina. They are young, possibly six and seven. I'm glancing at the sky, wearing a sunhat so part of my face is being covered. I seem to be in deep contemplation when Mevian calls me into the kitchen. She asks me to serve some appetizers as to please the guests. She explains that she wants to make a good impression because her reputation depends on it. I take the plates and pass the food out to the guests. In my vision I had conversations with the guests, and could remember what they looked like when my vision had ended. I knew their names and who they were, and of what importance they held. When I'd finished passing out the appetizers I'd entered the kitchen once again to get another tray of food. I was upset having to pass more out, but continued. Walking out I spoke to my brothers for a moment, giving food to the children, and continuing to walk out to the front of the house. I walked through a barrier of bushes seeing Jameson along the way. He seemed less familiar at the time, as if he was a friend of mine, but we were not yet married. We passed, but moments later he stood behind me with his arm around my neck. The silver platter of food had fallen onto the grass as I scratched at his arm. And my vision ended with me looking down to myself lying on the ground as a few guests walked through the barrier finding me, after Jameson had walked away unnoticed.

A second vision is one of me at 'my home' from this past life. It has a cottage look, and I walk in noticing the bathroom on the right of the door, right behind the staircase. I notice the kitchen directly to the left and the dining room attached, and it continues as I walk through my home. I remember thinking Jameson should be home from work soon. He arrived at the home soon after that thought and I recall when he came home I jumped in his arms, as if in everlasting love.

A third vision takes place at the same home. Outside the home is a field of sunflowers/corn field. I remember sitting near the middle of the field, again waiting for Jameson. A woman came up to me and I remember feeling a lot of fear, and anger. She said "You have done wrong, you were not allowed to conduct such behavior. You are to no longer see him! You wretched child, you will understand your actions." I remember her saying something about me not being able to see him for a quite a while, saying he'd been sent to another body and I'd have to wait. I remember her running fast and far away, as I ran after her crying and screaming No at her. She seemed like the cause of our separation, and when my vision ended I could still remember what she looked like. I knew her name was Dria, and I'd referred to her as a demon. I'm not sure what I meant by that though.

Through all my visions, and conversations with Jameson I strongly feel that Jameson is an engineer, I remember him talking of architecture, and having blue prints to work on for a big project he was involved in. I talked to him of the life he was currently in. He'd said that he lived somewhere in Australia but because we were both living on the same Earth we were restricted from saying where we lived exactly. Sometimes I'll know that he's closer to me, such as when he was on an Engineering conference of sorts close to where I lived now. He said he was married in his current life but that it would never take away from the love he would always feel for me. I remember feeling jealous, but I remember him saying "you're aloud to fall in love where you are, I have no problem with it as long as we remain after our lives." I remember both of us knowing that when he turned 23 he would die and when I turned 21 I would die, both of us meeting at our home from my vision. Sometimes in my current life I get to 'be with him' and I've overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness but pure happiness as well, and often I cry because I'm so happy to see him again.

As deep in love as I am, I continue to doubt him. It confuses me, sometimes I think he's lying to me and he really had murdered me, but sometimes I think I'm lying to myself and that we were desperately in love. No matter what I always refer to him as my husband, and whenever I know 'he's coming to meet me' in our current lives I'm overwhelmed with feelings of happiness and sadness. I always like to think that we might meet in our current lives, and that one day I'll pass someone in the streets and we'll both just know we were one another, I would know he was my Jameson, and he would know I was Eveira.