He Gave Me a 2nd Chance

From: Tyson  (saltlakecity1986@hotmail.com)
Story type: Near Death Experience
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Source: Form Submission
Date submitted: Thu Dec  1 00:02:50 2011

My name is Tyson, Im from Salt Lake City. I am 25 years old and since I was 18, I started drinking, smoking, doing drugs and sleeping around. I never really had a conscience and hurt a lot of people to get what i wanted. I was a really bad alcoholic, did everything from marijuana, Ecstasy, Heroin, and Coke. I would hook up alot with random guys from online or at the park. I never used protection or cared who I was sleeping with. I put whatever in my body and didn't care what it was doing as long as it felt good.

This all got worse when I lost my job and had to work at a Buy, Sell and Trade store making half of what I use to make. I found new friends who were more into drugs than I was. I moved into my new place with my new co-workers. I was right downtown and just 2 blocks from the gay club and bars. I used it as an oppurtunity to drink almost every night barely making it into work every morning.

After everything had got to its worst point, I decided to go out one night and get really drunk and plastered. I dont remember half the night.

The next day I woke up as usual with the worst hangover. I was still in the clothes from the night before and as i got up from my bed, I realized that I had blood all over my hands and cuts. I looked around my room and my stuff were thrown all over, somethings broken or ripped up. I walked into my bathroom and there was glass and things thrown all around. I had no clue what had happened, so I went into my roommates room and asked him what had happened. My roommate told me that I got really upset and started bashing things and breaking things. I even had grabbed some of my belongings and threw them over the balcony outside. I was so embarrassed and didn't know what to think. I said to myself this is getting serious. At this point, I had been blacking out so much and forgetting what I had done and the stories just kept getting weirder and weirder.

I cleaned up my room and threw away the things I had thrown over the balcony. My roommate had seemed very uncertain around me. I knew this story would be rumored around to everyone. I didn't know where my 2nd roommate was, so I head to work. When I got to work, my other roommate looked at me and I smiled and acted like nothing happened. Finally my roommate grabbed me to the side and said that I got crazy and was throwing things around the night before which scared him. I felt so bad and awful that I had brought my problems unto someone else.

I saw my boss that I was very close with and spoke with her in the back room. I started to break down and tell her what had happened and that this was not the first time. She asked if I needed to take a lunch early. I told her yes and as I was walking out, my roommate pulled me aside and showed me a text message from his friend that had slept over the night before. The text basically said that I went into the room he was sleeping in and was fully naked and tried to hit on him. The roommates friend told me to leave him alone and I still tried to hit on him. Finally I got the point and walked out, but then thats when I started to break things. The friend left, but said that I scared him and freaked him out.

I walked right out of work and walked home. I could not believe what was happening. As I walked home, I got this sickening feeling and everything that I had done wrong started to flash in my head from waking up from being passed out in a parking lot, getting beat up when I started a fight with some gang members, falling over a balcony, sleeping around, snorting coke off the counter, being so rude to others and making fun of people...it all hit me at once and I felt like shit.

Once I got home to my apartment, I sat on my bed crying, wondering how I was going to fix this. I couldn't, it had been done. I realized I have hurt so many people and done some really rotten things to people physically, mentally, verbally and emotionally. I said the only way to stop such evil was to kill it.

I took a shower, got redressed and walked around until I saw the Library. At the library there is a bunch of stairs that lead to the top and when you get there it says "THE END" and "THE BEGINNING". Its about 6 stories high and many people have jumped to their death from this building. I sat right at the edge and wondered if I could do it. Everytime I was going to jump, I thought to myself, if i survive I would be paralyzed and will have to live my life as a parapalegic. I walked back down those stairs and thought of the next thing. I went over to Smiths and bought a bottle of Advil PM and a bottle of water. I walked over to the nearest park with no lights, I sat on a bench and started to swallow all the pills until they were gone. I then walked over to a tree and laid underneath it. I started to fall asleep and in an hour, my whole body started to fill numb. I couldn't move, so I just laid there with my eyes closed and prayed. I told GOD that Im sorry for all the bad things that I had done and Im sorry for those things, but when I die tonight, please don't let me go to hell. I started to cry and beg even more that I was a bad person and by killing myself I would never hurt anyone again.

Finally everything got dark, my body felt out of place. It wasnt cold anymore and I didn't feel the ground underneath me. I opened my eyes and it was dark, I was still in the park. I looked back and saw my body laying on the ground shaking. I looked forward and saw a bright light, something started to pull me into it. I stared seeing all these bright lights and planets and stars flashing pass me. Finally there was a huge flash of light and I could feel this warm loving energy holding me, like happiness, love and care that I never had felt before. It was so great and overpowering. I saw this figure coming towards me with his arms wide opened and I knew who it was. It was GOD and he knew me and even called me his little dramatic one. He knew me and loved me, like he had known me my whole life. I sat there and before I could ask the question he answered them. I asked him if it was wrong for me to be gay and he said to me that I should know that answer, that love is love no matter who it is. I asked him since I've seen him if I would be more responsible for my actions and he said YES. I asked if I would make mistakes again in my life and he said YES.

Then he showed me HEAVEN, and no matter what you believe, HEAVEN does exist. It was beautiful, everything is perfect, its bright and amazing. I promise you this is where you want to be. I sat there for a moment at the gates of HEAVEN, I only got to see a glimpse of it, but its where I wanna go. The colors are bright, the people there are happy, I couldn't see them, but I could hear them and they were so happy. I told GOD I didn't wanna go back, that I wanted to stay here. He told me that I have a lot to accomplish and hes giving me a 2ND CHANCE to make it all better. I finally realized in my life, I asked GOD if he could give me a 2nd chance so many times and I would do it all different and at this point, I knew this is what he was giving me, HE as answering my prayer. GOD sending me back was my 2nd chance and I could turn it all around this time. I started to feel myself fade away from the light and as I did, I saw my life flash before me to whom I would be with for the rest of my life, where I would end up and my family.

Then....I took a deep breath and woke up, I was barely there, but I remember a man with flash light asking if I was okay. I felt cold and could feel the ground beneath me. I passed out. I woke up and realized that I was in a hospital with tubes down my throat, I had IV's in my arms and I was strapped to a hospital bed.

In the coming weeks...I felt different like I was a new person. I went to the pysche unit and when I got out, I started going to church, stopped drinking went to A.A., stop drugs and smoking. I don't look at the hook up sites online and I dont look for one night stands. I moved in with my family and reconnected with them. I got a new job and YES I still have lots to work on, but Its my 2nd chance and I wanna go out with a bang this time. I have so many oppurtunities and things to accomplish...I thank GOD that I got this 2nd chance that I was asking for. Thank you GOD...you are truly amazing and work in mysterious ways!!