Wanting to die experience

From: Woody (wmctootle@netscape.net)
Story type: Angel
Location: My automobile
Source: Form Submission

I had a very close call last night. I had started up my car and let it run with a hose attached from the tailpipe connecting into the backseat window. I had been crying heavily most of the day and just could'ntstop. Guilt and sorrow took over me, I felt that I was punishing myself for hurting Anna so bad because she didn't deserve anything that I had done, and punishing myself for screwing up everything that would've been so wonderful. I turned the radio up very loud, turned the heat up, and put the seat back as far as it would go.

After about two minutes I starting coughing from the exhaust fumes. Then my eyes started to water so I closed them. Every minute I kept looking at the clock to see how much time had passed. The smell and odor gets horrible. Then after about 7 minutes I started to feel really groggy and sleepy, my neck and arms relaxed, I felt like I was sleeping.

Suddenly a voice kept saying my name, "Woody, Woody, wake up Woody!" "Wake up Woody,go back inside and go to bed!" The next thing I remember was the phone ringing so I answered it. It was my mother and she was checking to see if I was ok because I had told her the entire story that prior night about what I'd done, my flirting, my breaking my promise to Anna to not be on chat lines. I told her everything, how my love was disappointed in me and left me forever.

Then while listening to my mother I looked out the window and noticed that my car was running, exhaust was coming out of one tailpipe and a hose was sticking out of the other tailpipe going into the window. I stood there in total shock as my mouth dropped. I don't know what to think now, I am kinda freaked out. Was that an Angel calling to me? Was it my mother communicating to me? Tonight I have spent my time searching and reading biblical references to suicide to why God wishes me to continue and go on with my life. Now I am crying, but not out of sorrow but because of this incident.