Spirit of Balance

From: Nick Carver (Neilz@uci.edu)
Story type: Channeling
Location: San Jose, California
Source: Form Submission

O.K., here goes, I really don"t now how to categorize this experience, but I know that it was unnatural, and a little frightening. This happened to me way back in Junior High School, between the seventh grade, that summer, and the eighth grade.

I was always pretty interested in the paranormal and that kind of stuff, so one day I decided to check out the occult section in the school"s library. They had a lot of pretty cool books on the subject, but I remember there was one book in particular I decided to check out, a large red book that was called "amulets and talismans" or something like that. I looked inside and it showed all sorts of symbols and things that would supposedly protect you, and me being the suave kid I was, read it voraciously.

Now, my father was an engineer, and he had lots of old spare wire and stuff laying around the garage, and he was always busy making stuff. And so that night, or some night soon after I checked out the book, (I remember feeling kind of awkward as the librarian gave me a strange look), I got a length of green wire and decided to make one of the amulet/ symbol things. I wound it into the shape and I glued it together, and admired it. Wow! Look what I made! Nothing big happened, it just sort of sat there, and for some reason I remember losing interest and placing it beneath my stereo. My mother was one of those "Anything supernatural is evil" people and so I didn"t want her to find it.

Now, when making the wire amulet thing there"s a few things I should note. First of all, I just made it, didn"t consecrate it or anything like that. I still don"t know much about the subject, but I"ve read some stuff since then and realize maybe I should have been a little more careful. As for the symbol itself, I remember (I think), it essentially being just a pentagram. Now I"m sure all the Wiccans out there are shouting that pentagrams aren"t evil, it"s the upside- down pentagram or something like that, but it"s what I remember it being.

Well, I returned the book to the library and went on with my life, hanging out with my friends, who were of course those dubbed "outcasts" because we didn"t care about dances and popularity and stuff. My friends were (and still are) always delightfully bizarre, and one of them, Mike, would help me in particular in the future with something he said.

Now here comes the part which starts to become supernatural. Something at this time, I don"t know what, possessed me. I don"t remember feeling a presence in my head or anything like The Exorcist, but something was partially controlling my body. And the way it did it was strange.

I always had to balance out all of my movements. When I was walking along the sidewalk, I had to make sure I touched every crack, every knothole or piece of rock equally. If I touched one more than once, I had to touch all the others the same amount of times. Getting to and from school began taking a lot longer, as you can imagine. Another way was in my backyard, which is grassy, but has these stone sort of steps leading from a dirt area to the patio. When I walked on them, I had to touch each of them the same amount of times. If I touched one more than once, I had to touch the others again, equally. This led to leaping sessions which made my sister look at me pretty strangely.

In our bathrooms we had these sort of throw rugs on the floor, and of course, I had to touch (with my feet I mean when I say touch), each of them equal amounts of time. Well, you get the idea. It"s like I was possessed of by some overzealous spirit of equality.

Now, I knew something strange was going on, but for some reason I din"t question it. It seemed like something distracting, but otherwise just cumbersome. If something like this happenned nowadays I"d spill it to my friends or something, but I just grumbled everyday as I went to school, or when summer came, to my friend Mike"s house.

Let me tell you at this point that I have talked to myself all my life, and I don"t consider myself crazy or anything, a lot of the time my conversations with myself is better than with other people. But when I talked to myself back then I answered back to myself in a weird way. I"d grumble to myself "what am I going to do now?" And then I"d reply (speaking) "how about going to your parent"s room?" And then I"d say "O.K." I realize that some people talk to themselves like this, but I hadn"t before, and once again, I didn"t question it, and in looking back it seemed kind of strange.

Also, for some reason the name "Tachyama" was in my head, and I know this sounds cheesy, but it was sort of what I called the thing in my head. I know this is strange and most people would wonder what was going on with them, but once again, I didn"t question it. I"m surprised I didn"t turn out a major conformist.

Well, the summer passed and this stuff still kept happening, and it got extremely irritating. It took twice as long to get places now, all because in my mind (I also got headaches a lot back then), I had to do that damn balance thing. And all that time I never thought of the amulet, still hiding under my stereo.

Now, one day at lunch by the picnic benches, outside of the computer labs, my friends were talking about paranormal stuff. For some reason someone mentioned pentagrams, and I said they were the symbol of magic. "No, no" said Mike (important!), they"re the symbol of evil! (*dramatic music*)

I remember thinking hard about this and went on with the rest of my day, eventually coming home and going to my room. I would like to point out to all you pagans or whatever out there that this is not what I necessarily believe in, but it"s what happened. My friend Mike now is like a Voudonista/ Sorcerer or something (another story!), and has changed a lot from his earlier "pentagrams are evil!". But I digress.

Well, I was back in my room, and for some reason I was by my stereo and pulled out the pentagram. I hadn"t seen it in ages and I just sort of stared at it, and then with a sort of voracious fury tore the thing apart, not into pieces but just sort of the circular wire I started out with. I didn"t feel any wave or anything passed over me, but I do remember smiling.

Guess what happened next? Ding, right! Yeah, I stopped doing all that balance of movement crap, and didn"t have to wake up so early for school. But in thinking back, I didn"t put the two together. Was I stupid, or something else? I don"t know, but at least I could control my walking again.

Now, I have some footnotes on this whole thing. First of all that summer (when I was still possessed or whatever), the library I had gotten the book from burned down. I don"t think they ever caught the arsonists, but I remember it being pretty big front page news for California, in San Jose at least. I don"t think (and doubt) it was related, but it seems kind of strange.

Second, I have heard of experiences sort of like mine, but it was described as an obsessive-compulsive disorder. One night on the radio (Modern-Rock Doc), a girl described how she felt the unbelievable compulsion to touch each of the windows and doors in her house once before she went to bed, or she couldn"t sleep. And she had to do it an equal number of times. "Ol doc Edell or Odell, or whatever his name is, called it Obsessive-Compulsive I believe. I could sort of buy off what I did like that, except for the fact it was linked to that amulet I made, and I see no other events (I didn"t have my father hang himself or anything) that would suddenly cause me to behave that way. Still, when I heard it on the radio, I brought chills, as I remembered what had happened long ago.

If anyone has any comments, please give them. I still don"t know what went on, but would like to add that strange things (different strange things) have been with my life ever since. It was only recently that I thought maybe it"s because of what had happened back in the seventh grade. I know this was pretty long, so thanks for bearing with me, and I"m still not sure if this is a channelling or ghost story or what, but thanks for reading about my balancing ghost.