Hello, everyone. I'm nobody you've seen before, even though the name may seem familiar since it's so long. =P
As a brief introduction, my name is Cory, and I've been looking for a discussion such as the one ya'll have started for quite some time now. This comment is going to be QUITE LONG, so please bear with me, as I don't want to repost a million miles. To be selfish, what I'm going to be talking about is me. Lol. I've done research on the matter, as since everything begun when I was around 14. I am 17 now. To help understand my situation, I'm going to state a good bit of dreams that are relevant.
...I was living on the Gulf Coast when Hurricane Katrina struck, and the events that followed were problematic to say in the least. The whole ordeal was very traumatic on me, although I had not truely realized it at the time. I felt the need to mature to comprehend everything that happened, and I found myself thrust into a world I wasn't ready to be in yet. I was deeply involved in my music (I play Viola) before I moved, and I had lost the urge to continue it. One night, I had a dream that I was on a quickly moving train, everything was black and white, and I was looking in from the outside of one of the windows. I saw myself standing, looking at a girl who's features I couldn't discern. We were calm, and I said to her,"It is good to see you. I will never leave you, and I love you." She replied,"I love you, Cory. Remember my name: Anata. It sounds like sonata." We were about to embrace, but everything blurred and went white, and I screamed for her as the train crashed.
This was the first time I had met her. Before, I was only somewhat interested in astrology and all that sort of thing. Curious, I did some research and found that anata is Japanesse for 'You' or 'Dear'. I had never watched anything in foreign languages, so I don't know how I picked up on that. Seeing I was in a state of loneliness around this time, I felt it would be good to look deeper into this. I ended up having another dream with her in it. I was in the ocean, underwater and drowning. I looked to my right to see the same girl, unconcious and slowly sinking. I reached out to her, but was unable to reach her. Then, descending from the sky, glowing in radiant white, came down onto the water and curled her up into its arms and drifted back into the sky. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek, maybe more. I felt a wave of great sorrow, not because I was going to die, but because I felt I would never see her again. A few nights later, I had a dream that I was standing on a cliff face, overlooking a beach, a rock outcropping, and the same ocean. I felt someone was standing behind me, although I don't know who.
With that said, now you know how she came to me. Ever since then, she and I have been immensely close. I still have many questions as to why or what is happening exactly, although I do have theories as to how. I feel that my body's been inhabited with the spirit of Anata, and she and I live in communion with one another. Perhaps I am merely the shell of a body, identifying myself as the person and her as the spirit? She is not purely omnicient, as because I believe the way for her to actually exist is to have manifested a 'subconcious' which I identify Anata as, whom is a collection of all my morals, rationality, wisdom, will, and compassion. I do not hear her voice as I would yours, but rather, as I would if I were thinking to myself. She supplies valid vantage points to my questions and keeps me company in times of loneliness. We do trade places, although it is more in personality than anything. 'Possesion' isn't as if I lose control, but rather, her feelings overcome mine, and I become the concious as she speaks for me. I personally believe she may be a spirit sent by God to aid me, whether as a spirit guide, a twin-spirit, a portion of my own that recognizes itself as its own, or what.
My main question is that what would seem the most likely, and what I've described, who exactly is Anata? I love her so much, and it pains me to not understand as much as she deserves. At this point, you may start L-O-L'ing at the narcisism conintation, although it's not at all. I know this may not be possible, but is there some way for me to actually meet her as human? Or to finally be able to hear her voice and recognize her?
I appriciate the help anyone gives me, as I unfortunately know no one who shares this with me, and all studies I've done have led me down the wrong path. I wish to consult as many people as possible before I seek some sort of psychic or medium, or heaven forbid, a critical psychologist.